Introduction

As I sit here and ponder about my life, and where it’s going, I wonder if this is something I really want, or even better, be ready for! For the last six years I’ve thought about this and knew that it would be a wonderful experience for my husband and I. He doesn’t have any kids of his own, except for my two children, of whom he was married into. At times he seems happy and gives me a smile, but we never really talk about the possibility of actually going through with it. There are times I think that I’m crazy, or at least my husband and kids must, because I’m constantly daydreaming about the future and purchasing items for something I don’t have, but pray that it will one day come. I even put things on lay away, just in case! I awake out of my daydream at the sound of my phone.
“Hello, thanks for calling Regions Bank, Tammy speaking can I help you?”
“Hi Tammy, it’s Lynn, I have some good news.”
That’s my attorney Lynn; I wonder what the good news could be.
“I have a newborn baby boy awaiting a new home, and the first one I thought of was you,” explained Lynn.
“When can I come and get him?” I asked.
“Tomorrow morning, at 9:00 am,” declared Lynn.
“Oh my goodness! Let me call Dave,” I said with shock, fear, and excitement.
This is really it! I can’t even think anymore. I’m going to have to go home. I’m going to adopt!

The Quest

What effects does adoption have on the adoptive parents, the biological mother and on the adopted child in his/her future?

The Process and Resources

In this WebQuest you will be working together with a group of students in class. Each group will answer the Task or Quest(ion). As a member of the group you will explore Webpages from people all over the world who care about Adoption. Because these are real Webpages we're tapping into, not things made just for schools, the reading level might challenge you. Feel free to use the online Webster dictionary or one in your classroom.

You'll begin with everyone in your group getting some background before dividing into roles where people on your team become experts on one part of the topic.

Phase 1 - Background: Something for Everyone

Use the Internet information linked below to answer the basic questions of who? what? where? when? why? and how? Be creative in exploring the information so that you answer these questions as fully and insightfully as you can.

• Adoption Information - This link is exceptionally helpful to everyone involved in the adoption process and for those individuals who would like to learn about adoption and what it is. After reading this link, you'll learn that an adoption is a court procedure in which an adult becomes the legal parent of a minor who is not his or her child biologically. The adoptive parent(s) are given full custody and are responsible for all of the child's support costs. In most situations, both of the child's birthparents terminate all of their parental rights. This link also tells you the different forms of adoption. Fist, there's agency adoptions, in either public or state-licensed private agency. A public agency primarily finds homes for children in the foster care system. A private agency places babies of expectant mothers or newborns who are not yet wards of the state. The next form of adoption is known as independent adoption, or private adoption. In this case, a child is placed directly with the adoptive parents without the interference of an agency. In a private adoption, an attorney must be consulted, to avoid any legal loopholes and to clearly explain all of the rights to both the birth parent(s) and the adoptive parents. Next on the list are international adoptions, in which the adoptive parents adopt a child from a foreign country through the U.S. Immigration and Naturalization Service. These adoptions are usually the most expensive, and keep in mind that each country has its own requirements. Last but not least, there is relative adoption. This includes all adoptions where the child is related to the adoptive parents by blood or marriage. This link also gives you the process of adoption. Fist, the adoptive parents should revise the several types of adoption and choose which one best suites them. The parents will also have to undergo a home study, which is an evaluation of the adoptive parents' financial and marital stability, lifestyles, physical and mental health and criminal history by a social worker or a state agency, to determine whether or not you're fit to adopt.

Phase 2 - Looking Deeper from Different Perspectives

INSTRUCTIONS:

1. Individuals or pairs from your larger WebQuest team will explore one of the roles below.

2. Read through the files linked to your group. If you print out the files, underline the passages that you feel are the most important. If you look at the files on the computer, copy sections you feel are important by dragging the mouse across the passage and copying / pasting it into a word processor or other writing software.

3. Note: Remember to write down or copy/paste the URL of the file you take the passage from so you can quickly go back to it if you need to to prove your point.

4. Be prepared to focus what you've learned into one main opinion that answers the Big Quest(ion) or Task based on what you have learned from the links for your role.

Adoptive Parents

Use the Internet information linked below to answer these questions specifically related to Adopted Parent:

1. In what two ways could adoption impact the adopted child?

2. At what level of schooling will you be able to decide whether or not to discuss adoption with the school personnel? Why do you think that is the better level?

3. What are the best times to discuss adoption issues with teachers or school personnel? Do you feel like those are good times? Why or why not?

4. Is having an open relationship with the adopted child beneficial? Why?

5. Why should the adoptive parents point out similarities between them and their adopted child whenever the time is appropriate?

6. What are some of the signs that may indicate the adopted child struggling with the fact that they are adopted? How could you prevent these signs?

7. When and how should the adopted parent decide to tell their child that they are adopted? Why?

8. What age level do most experts agree to be a good age to inform the child that he/she is adopted? Why?

9. There are two things the adopted parents should reassure to the adopted child that they are false. What two things are they?

• Adoptive Parents - Adoption Information for you. - This link gives vital information for both the adoptive parents and the adopted child. This link informs them that the adoption can have an impact on the child at school in two ways: educationally and socially. If the child fantasizes about his or her birth family to the extent to which it affects their ability to focus and learn, then that is an educational impact. If the other children are teasing him/her on the playground or at lunch, by saying things such as: 'You must be bad or stupid, because your 'real' parents gave you away,' that is a social impact. This link also breaks the two different impacts down into three stages of schooling: preschool/kindergarten, elementary school and junior-senior high school. For the preschool years, it is up to the adoptive parents to make the decision whether or not they want to inform the daycare that their child is adopted. This is the stage, more than likely, when your child will be faced with groups of other children their age and will interact socially. For the adoptive parents, there is not much concern about teasing because at this age, between three and four, the children don't have prejudices about skin color; they mainly are accepting of all individuals who act friendly towards them. If you are a family who Tran racially or Tran culturally adopted, there should be hardly any prejudice going on during this time. Preschool is a good time for the adoptive parents to decide what type of approach they want to take in schools about their adoption. As for kindergarten, the only main difference is the fact that they become more educated about reproduction. At the elementary level, children begin to get a better sense of independence (riding the bus on their own, receiving report cards, etc.) and this is when adopted children learn to grasp the idea of adoption more realistically. If they begin to fantasize about their birth family or the idea of adoption more, they may find it difficult to pay attention in class and learn the lessons. The child might also feel that the reason why they're not with their birth parents is because their not good enough, pretty, or smart enough. As the adoptive parent, you must reassure them that those things are false, and have no bearing on their adoption. At the elementary level, the children are old enough to decide whether or not they want their classmates to know that they are adopted. Before the adoptive parent gives them the, 'okay,' the child needs to be informed that once they say it, they can't take it back. The best times to have adoption discussions with the teachers or school personnel is either at the beginning of the school year, parent-teacher conference, or back-to-school night (open house). At the junior-senior level, the children think more abstractly and can have a better understanding of why some birth parents give their children up for adoption and why adoptive parents adopt. At this stage, they still may have not worked through all their feelings about their adoption, and could still get sidetracked in learning. This link helps the adoptive parents and adopted children have a better understanding at the different levels and concerns there may be.
• The Way Children Develop - This link is for adoptive parents and helping them understand their child, especially during adolescence. Adolescence is a difficult time for a child, especially for those who are adopted. During adolescence, children are trying to find their own identity and being adopted could make it tougher on the child. For an example, at this age some friends might be saying things such as, 'You look like your sister or mom,' and the adopted child might decide to stay quite and not correct them to avoid any more questions that may follow. As the adoptive parent, you should point out any similarities whenever the time is appropriate. This link also gives several signs of teen struggling with the fact that they're adopted. Some of these signs include: complaining that they're being treated unfairly, not paying much attention in school, trouble with friends and refusing to share feelings. Having an open relationship is extremely helpful so your child will feel comfortable asking questions and expressing their emotions. If you don't have an open relationship, professional help may be needed. Other signs for professional help may include: drug or alcohol abuse, an increase in skipping school, withdrawal form friends and family, or a drastic drop in grades. Adopted teens may have special issues connected to identity formation, rejection, control, and the need to connect with one's roots. Adoptive parents shouldn't feel rejected if the adopted child wants to know more information about their birth parents; it is totally natural. As adoptive parents, just remember to have open communication, be supportive and understanding. With all of that you will gain a better sense of understanding for your child and you'll have a calmer environment. Also remember that if you have the freedom to discuss adoption issues, there will be much less of a burden on the family.
• Explaining Adoption to Your Child - As an adoptive parent, explaining adoption to your child is not the easiest thing to do. This link is incredibly helpful when it comes to answering your toughest questions. First, you should start slow, in a building block fashion, when introducing adoption to your child. You may talk about adoption more than once, although it shouldn't be a weekly or monthly discussion. Deciding when and how to tell your child depends a lot on you because you know your child the best and should use your own judgment. Each child is different and will learn and grasp the information at his/her own pace. Always be willing to answer adoption-related questions because the more willing you are, the better the environment is for the child. Remember to share it in a positive and caring way, which will minimize the hurt. Although experts differ when the topic of what age to tell the child comes up, most agree that before adolescence is a good time (between the ages of eight and eleven). This is when they are able to understand such a complex subject. What should you tell them about the birth mother? Simply present the birth parents as real people and tell them that the birthparents couldn't handle being parents (there are other suggestions). When it comes to explaining how they look, if you know, then tell them. If you have a picture then that will be even better. A common fear of adopted children is thinking that the birth mother will attempt to reclaim them, just reassure them that this information is false. As you may know, most children believe that it was his/her fault for the reason why their birthparents put them up for adoption. Again, reassure them that this is not true. If you are religious, you may want to tell your child that God sent you them because God sends some children biologically and others through adoption.

Biological Parent (Birth mother)

Use the Internet information linked below to answer these questions specifically related to Biological Parent:

1. What feelings or effects might the birth mother experience?

2. How might the birth mother try to resolve those feelings?

3. What are some suggestions for birth mothers who are seeking help? Which one do you feel would be more effective?

4. Explain the five step grieving process.

5. What might birth parents do in order to reassure them that their child is doing well?

6. There is usually an ongoing process for birth parents. What is it and why do you think that remains?

7. Compare an open adoption to a closed adoption.

8. What might take place in the most open adoptions? Do you feel that it is a good idea to have such an open adoption arrangement? Why or why not?

9. Which do you feel is better for the birth parent, adoptee and adoptive parents; closed adoption or open adoption?

• The Impact of Adoption on Birth Parents - After reading the information on this link, I found it to be very helpful to birth mothers. Not only does it help with finding several ways to cope with the loss of their child, but it also informs the birth mothers that they are not the only ones out there that feel they way they do. I found it interesting that although the adoptions vary form birth mother to birth mother, they all share similar feelings and later effects. I learned that some birth mothers start with denial, work towards anger, and then get depressed. (This may not be for all birth mothers). Some birth mothers become angry, either with their parents, their partner, the adoption agency, or even society. To try and resolve these feelings the birth mother may act out by lying, stealing, quitting school or hanging around a bad crowd. Other birth mothers who turn their anger towards depression begin to think that they're worthless and take out their depression on drinking excessively or by even using drugs. These particular actions will not help the birth mother, in turn; it will only hurt her even more. Instead, there are a ton of great suggestions for the birth mothers who are feeling pain and agony and want to get some help. For an example, they could go to counseling, attend birth parent support group meetings, express their feelings in a poem or story, they could write letters to the child (even if they aren't sent), and it is said that some birth mothers hold private ceremonies on their child's birthday. All in all, this link is very helpful for a birth mother, or a potential birth mother. They can get some information, find counseling centers, and at the same time, not feel alone.
• Birth Parent Loss and Grief - Grieving for birth parents can be difficult. This link gives a five step grieving process. First, it begins with numbness and denial. For birth mother's, trying to make a painful decision in the middle of the physical and emotional strain of just giving birth is not easy. Making that tough decision can lead to a mixture of feelings, such as shock, confusion, numbness and at times, denial. Denial is the primitive defense mechanism, which can be effective in protecting a person from emotional break down. Numbness, confusion, shock, or denial can result in the birth mother having little recall of events including baby's birth, or the day or time that the baby was born. Next is the eruption of feelings. Intense feelings begin to take place, such as sadness, anger, fear, anxiety, guilt, or loneliness. Feelings may even get expressed through physical symptoms, which may include headaches, nightmares, back pain, or stomach pain. If secrecy and shame remain, then it gives you the opportunity to not express your feelings and therefore, your opportunities for support diminish. Thirdly, accepting the adoption decision, which is certainly not easy. Placing a child up for adoption usually brings sadness and guilt because the love of others for the child doesn't cancel out the pain of the loss for the birth parents. This aspect of decision-making is so intense that it may leave the birth parents with a great deal of pain, anger and regret. Afterwards comes the accommodation to and living with uncertainty. Living with the unknown can be very difficult. If the birth parents are in a closed adoption they may form their own fantasies about how the child looks. Birth parents begin a 'search' for themselves, which may include: looking for children who look similar by scanning faces in crowds and they may seek more information about the child or the adoptive family. With this form of searching, the birth parents are allowed to form a mental image of the child, which provides them with a reassurance that the child is doing well. Last but not least is the rebuilding and reevaluating. The feelings of shame, guilt, and self-blame may leave scars on the birth mother's self-esteem. The birth parents may struggle with other decision making in life. For birth parents, restoring self-esteem is an ongoing process.
• The Adoption Option - This link is basically a description of what open adoptions are and the different opportunities available in an open adoption. Open adoptions give birth mothers, who desire it, a strong voice in the future of their child. The least open adoption allow the birth mother to read information on possible adoptive families and then pick the one that sounds best to her. In this particular one, all individuals remain anonymous. In more open arrangements, the birth mother speaks to the adoptive family by telephone and they exchange first names. In an even more open adoption, a social worker or lawyer arranges a meeting between the birth mother and adoptive family. In the most open adoptions, the adoptive family gets to know the birth mother and will send pictures and updates. The adoptive family might even allow the birth mother to write, call, or even the visit the child as he/she grows. It all depends on how you feel and what you think you can handle. For some birth parents, closed adoption is the best option. This link also gives questions that you should ask yourself when considering adoption such as: How will you feel afterwards? How does the father feel about adoption? Are you prepared to go through the nine months of pregnancy? This link also provides two exercises for the birth parents to do to help prepare for adoption.

Adopted Child

Use the Internet information linked below to answer these questions specifically related to Adopted Child:

1. When are adopted children at higher risk for developmental and psychological problems? What are some of these problems?

2. How might an adopted child feel once he/she finds out that they have been adopted? What might happen with all of those extra feelings?

3. Why might adopted children need special treatments? What are some of those special treatments?

4. What is the main feeling that usually takes place in most adopted children? Why do you think adopted children usually think that?

5. For adopted children, what is crucial? What might make the adopted child struggle with those?

6. Explain why you think adopted children may feel over-controlled by simple home/school rules that other children easily accept.

7. What issues do most all adopted children and adults, consciously or unconsciously, face? When might these issues be especially tough?

8. Children and even adults might still have a feeling of abandonment. What could these feelings lead to?

9. As you age, what becomes even more important and the constant reminder that the adopted child is indeed adopted? When does that become even more intense?

• Adoption's effects on cognitive development in children - In this particular link, it's stated that learning disabilities and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder are especially high among adopted children. When adopted children reach early adolescence, and are able to comprehend the meaning of adoption, they're at higher risk for developmental and psychological problems. 'At-risk' children are those who have yet to reach the phase in their life where they know they're adopted. Babies exposed to drugs, abuse, neglect and those with genetic predispositions to mental illness and physical disabilities are 'at-risk' before the adoptive parents even come into play. When the adoptee finds out he/she is indeed adopted, they may feel like his/her whole identity has been changed; betrayed by the adoptive parents for withholding the truth; betrayed by his/her birth parents, whom they view as abandoning them. With all of these extra feelings, it could be very difficult to concentrate, and the adoptee could easily fall into fantasies and daydreams about their birth parents. Because the adopted child must deal with disruptive internal and external influences that other children don't have to deal with, they may need special treatments. Special treatments could include: alternative programs of education, therapy, or deeper involvement on the part of the adoptive parents and the child's teachers. These treatments have been used to show some improvement.
• Psychological Effect on Adopted Child - This link could be used for the adopted child and trying to help him/her get a better understanding of the feelings they may experience. As the adopted child, even if you're shown love you still may feel like you don't belong or don't fit in with the family. Between ages eight and eleven adopted children may switch the fantasy, their birthparents being rejecting and adoptive parents being nurturing, back and forth. Usually, adopted children will feel that they must have done something horrible in order to be given away. On top of feeling rejected, they may even fear that they may lose their adoptive parents. Adopted children may also have increased oppositional behavior such as being stubborn or throwing temper tantrums. The issues of control are crucial and if the adopted child doesn't know their background, they could struggle to find some sense of control. When it comes to rules, adopted children should have some involvement in rule making. Remember that the adopted child may feel over-controlled by simple home/school rules that other children easily accept. Different emotions and feelings take place if you're adopted, but just remember that there are others out there in your same situation. Be open with your adoptive parents and ask questions whenever you can.
• Issues Facing Adult Adoptees - Growing up being adopted is tough, but do those same feelings stick with you even after you reach adulthood? As much as you probably don't want to hear this, the answer is yes. Most all adopted children and adults consciously or unconsciously face issues of identity and feelings of loss, especially at major events such as graduation, marriage, and giving birth. Even as an adult, you may feel particularly or overly sensitive about the fact that they don't resemble other family members. Still, fantasies about the adopted child's birth family will take place in both a positive and negative matter. These fantasies might hamper their ability to move on in life. As children they may have a feeling of abandonment but even some adults have such strong feelings that it leads to fear of rejection, trouble making commitments and they avoid intimacy. As you become older, genetic information becomes even more important and can keep reminding the adoptee that they are different from others. For an example, being at the doctor's office and the doctor ask for your medical history. Genetic information becomes even more intense when you marry or have a child. Needing that information becomes very vital to you. This link also gives some tips on counseling and support groups, if needed. It also gives advice on the search for birthparents. Just remember, as adopted children grow into adulthood they carry their thoughts and feelings with them. Some will be affected more than others. If you need any additional help, counseling and support groups are found to be helpful.

Psychologist

Use the Internet information linked below to answer these questions specifically related to Psychologist:

1. Explain closed adoption and how it works.

2. According to Dr. John Friel, how does a closed adoption affect the adopted child? What might he/she experience?

3. It is natural for an adopted child to have the curiosity to find his/her birth parents. How does a closed adoption interfere with that? Evaluate your feelings on closed adoption.

4. At what age does a child, according to Dr. Christopher Alexander, move towards independence? What takes place at this stage?

5. How might that particular stage of development be different for an adopted child? Why do you think that is?

6. When do adopted children begin to think that they were given away? What might the adoptive parents do to reassure that this is not true?

7. Explain the triad according to Dr. Marlou Russell.

8. Describe the five basic stages of grieving.

9. Which one of the triad members is responsible for bring the topic of adoption up? Why is that? Do you agree? Why or why not?

• Psychological Effects - This link gives a psychologist's view on closed adoption compared to open adoption. Closed adoption is when the identity of the birth mother and other family information remains confidential, and not accessible to the child. According to Dr. John Friel, a licensed psychologist, it is natural for an adoptee to have a longing to know something about his/her biological parents. He states that a closed adoption gives the adoptee a sense of incompleteness. With this sense of incompleteness, the adoptee can experience certain difficulties, such as: depressions, difficulty forming a clear identity, trust problems, and unresolved grief. At some point in an adoptee's life, the question will come up as to who his/her real parents are and why they decided to give him/her up for adoption. The adoptee also may get to a point in his/her life where they want to find their biological parent. It's normal for adoptive parents to feel a little hurt by their child's interest in his/her birth family, but not so much that it gets in the way. In a closed adoption, the child will not be able to find any information on their birth parent, which may cause the sense of incompleteness to stay and the depression and unresolved grief to worsen. The best situation is to have an open adoption; therefore the child is capable, at the proper age, to receive the information he/she is looking for.
• The Inner World of the Adopted Child: Child Development - This link is a psychologist's view on how adoption may affect an adoptee. For example, Dr. Christopher Alexander says that attention-deficit type behaviors are so prevalent in adopted children because many were born to parents with histories of impulsive behavior; either because of age, substance abuse, or psychiatric disturbance. Some children are adopted after already living with birth or foster parents and whether it be consciously or unconsciously, children carry memories of any abuse, abandonment, chaos or trauma that they may have witnessed. At approximately two years of age, children move towards independence; need to be afforded the chance to test and explore the world away from their parents on their own. If a child is adopted between the ages of two and four, the child may learn that it is not safe to individuate (feeling that people leave or abandon them) and they lose a sense of trust. These are the children that usually grow up feeling anxious and resentful. One major developmental factor affecting adopted children is the role of cognition. This is when they are unable to understand cause and affect relationships until mid-childhood. When the cause and effect thinking sets in is when adopted children begin to think that they were given away. It is important to remember that whether the child knew the birth family or not, they'll always carry real or imagined images of their birth family. They may not express it as much, afraid of disturbing their adoptive parents.
• Marlou Russell, Ph.D. - Articles - Marlou Russell - author of Adoption Wisdom - Marlou Russell, PhD, writes this link. She was adopted and she shares her experience along with vital information that all members in the adoption process might need. One area that she discusses is that adoption is a triad consisting of the adoptee, birth parents, and the adoptive parents. Adoption involves gains and losses for all members involved. For the adoptee, he/she gains parents, but loses their biological family. The birth parents are relieved of the responsibility of parenting, but they lose a child. As for the adoptive parents, if they're infertile, they become parents, but lose the dream of giving birth to a child. There are five basic stage of grieving, which are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. These stages may take place in any order and at various times of a triad member's life. Part of the healing process is respecting and honoring the losses of adoption in one's self and in the other triad members. The adoptive parent's responsibility is to bring up adoption, because they are the holders of the information. If the adoptive parents are open and honest about adoption, then they become more comfortable bringing it up. If they're not open and honest, then the adoptee may feel hesitate when it comes to embracing adoption issues. Bottom line is: adoption takes courage and determination. You have to have an understanding of the lifelong impact that adoption has. This link also gives you information on: grief and loss in adoption, when the adoptee becomes a parent, adoption in psychotherapy and information on search and reunion.

Phase 3 - Debating, Discussing, and Reaching Consensus

You have all learned about a different part of Adoption. Now group members come back to the larger WebQuest team with expertise gained by searching from one perspective. You must all now answer the Task / Quest(ion) as a group. Each of you will bring a certain viewpoint to the answer: some of you will agree and others disagree. Use information, pictures, movies, facts, opinions, etc. from the Webpages you explored to convince your teammates that your viewpoint is important and should be part of your team's answer to the Task / Quest(ion). Your WebQuest team should write out an answer that everyone on the team can live with.

Phase 4 - Real World Feedback

Now that you have read and learned information on adoption, doing some research is always helpful. For your real world connection, and to help gain knowledge and more insight on adoption, try these two connections:

1. Research how adoption laws have changed throughout the years.

2. Interview an adoptive parent and the adoptee. Find out how they have been effected by the situation and how life has been for them.

Your Contact is: Jackie Lofe'

Conclusion

Now, Tammy will be adopting her little boy through a private adoption (with an attorney). As you have all learned, the process of adoption can range from a matter of days to months, or to even years. You have also learned the different approaches that adoptive parents can take in adopting. You have also learned that adoption can be hard on all members of the triad (adoptive parents, adoptee, and birth mother). Remember, as an adoptive parent, to be open with the adopted child when it comes to discussing adoption. As for the adoptee, remember that they are not the only one going through this process and always remember that all of the adopted child's parents love him/her and care for him/her; no body gave them away and it certainly wasn't their fault. Birth mothers may experience various kinds of emotions. If the birth mother is in an open adoption arrangement, then she can receive information to help her out on her fantasies and calm her from her depression and feelings of guilt. All in all, adoption can be a very wonderful experience despite the emotions and struggles that some may face. In my opinion, adoption is not as easy as it may sound, but it's rewarding for most.